So, pregnancy. I struggle. I want to write down everything that goes on while I'm pregnant so I have it for journaling purposes, but I don't want to sound like a big fat complainer. I realize that I am very blessed, and I am excited for this new little one to join our family. With that said . . . I HATE BEING PREGNANT!!! When I was in school at UVSC I was friends with a girl who had a son and a daughter, and she wasn't going to have any more kids because she hated being pregnant. At the time I remember thinking how horrible that sounded. Well, Kathrine Hamblin, I owe you an apology. I hate being pregnant, too.
When we found out I was pregnant with Gavin, we were completely thrilled, of course. When we found out I was pregnant with Paige, I cried. When we found out I was pregnant for the third time, I was optimistic and kept giving myself pep talks about how I could do this. Then about three days into my morning sickness, I realized I wouldn't feel good again until 2012, and I cried. Big fat baby mama. I try not to play the "it's not fair" game when I see other women who don't get sick, but it's just so easy to do. I have to remind myself that it's also not fair that I get to have babies and other--probably more capable--women can't. Life's not fair. We all have our trials. God is always aware of us.
Anyway, with all this in mind, and without further ado, I will burden you with my ailments:
Morning sickness. It's been mentioned. And it's a gigantic misnomer. If only I was only nauseated in the morning! I've tried crackers, bland food, protein at night, dry cereal before getting out of bed, 1/2 a unisom and vitamin B6/B12, ginger ale, ginger pops, gingersnaps, ginger tea, peppermint, Morning Ease (pill with ginger, peppermint, artichoke, red raspberry, B-6, and milk thistle), watermelon, sea buckthorn berry juice (super-expensive drink that tastes like spiked apricot juice; it didn't seem to work--cleared up my skin though!), seasickness bands (acupressure at the wrists), getting up slowly, moving slowly, turning my head slowly . . . what did I miss? :)
With the last two pregnancies I took Zofran (or the generic), and it really helped me not throw up all the time, even though I still felt nauseated all the time. I remember one day I ran out of my prescription and planned on refilling it on my way to school, but I was running late and decided it could wait six hours. So I went to school without taking a pill that morning, and I puked my guts out all day at school. I think I left one class four times (my professors were aware of my situation). I can't say it's working that well this time around. I think I've been throwing up less this time, mostly because I know better how to control it, so once I started taking the pill I think I expected something miraculous, but it only seemed to help significantly the day after I started taking it.
My #1 trick for "keeping it down" is to eat. All the livelong day I'm asking myself, "Should I eat or throw up?" "Eat or throw up?" The last thing you want to do when you feel like puking is eat something, but I swear it's the best remedy. If I don't eat very regularly, I'll throw up. And the worst part? Finding something to eat! NOTHING sounds good. Okay, I take that back: French fries sound good most of the time. And Mountain Dew. Not much else. But who's going to eat french fries every day? I'm already expecting about a 50 lb. weight gain, so no thanks.
Bottom line: I feel nauseated 24/7. Sometimes it's not so bad. This is probably when you'll see a smile on my face or I'll actually be interacting with humans in a normal, humanly fashion. These are happy times for me. Sometimes it's so bad that all I can do is sit completely still and try to focus on breathing or sipping water or munching on something dry that I know is going to come back up easier in five minutes. I could totally pull off that fake statue thing you've seen on candid camera-type shows on TV. There was a day I had puked so much that I just collapsed on the bathroom floor, with a rug as my pillow, and laid motionless till the next round of puking began (this was during the first pregnancy before I had all the tricks figured out. Also before I had other kids to take care of!). Most of the time, if I'm out and about, it's just there, the nausea, and I'll look pretty normal, but inside I'm contemplating my next anti-nausea strategy. I'm thinking I need to get out of the sun, because the sun and heat make it so much worse. I might be trying not to dry-heave in the midst of our conversation. I might be staking out the closest bathroom, or if there aren't any near, or if I might not make it in time, I'm looking for the closest puke spot that will be the least conspicuous or the easiest clean up. I'm very good at "hiding it." I know my body pretty well now, so if I know I'm not going to be able to keep it down, I'll leave the park, or the library, or the store, or church, or wherever, and as soon as I get home, I've got my head over the toilet, my hair held back. I discovered something this time around that adds an element of comfort to the puking. Have you seen those little spongy mats for gardening? I bought one awhile ago for hands-and-knees mopping, but I keep that thing right by my toilet, and my knees no longer hurt while I'm losing my lunch! It's fabulous.
Obviously, morning sickness is pretty much all-consuming, but there are other things that plague me. (Why are you still reading this??? Kill me now.) The only time in my life I get heartburn is when I'm pregnant. I tell you what, if you haven't had a bad case of the heartburns, you don't know misery. I also have a headache. Always. Seriously. Constant headache throughout my entire pregnancy. So, this might be TMI for some, but the digestive system seems to stop working when I get pregnant. And my prenatal vitamin and my medication both make this much worse. Sometimes the "stoppage" is so uncomfortable it gives the nausea a run for its money. It's really, really miserable. I get up to use the bathroom 2-4 times a night. My face breaks out. My teeth suffer (brushing my teeth is the worst! Talk about a gag fest). My stretch marks outstretch any others I have ever seen (my belly gets huge, people.)
Okay. Lest ye think I am the biggest whiner in the history of the world, I will leave you with some positive things. Shocking, I know. I really do feel very blessed and honored to be able to carry God's precious cargo in transit to this world. It took about a year for me to get pregnant the first time, so I can understand how badly people want to have babies and to watch other women get pregnant, some not even wanting to be. I love the first times you feel the baby fluttering in your stomach. I remember one particular pukey day when I was about 17 weeks pregnant with Paige. I sat down on the couch crying after throwing up, and I felt her moving for the first time. It was like she was telling me that she knew how hard it was for me and that she really appreciated my sacrifice, and it made it all worthwhile. Confession time: I love that I don't have to fast on fast Sunday. I love it that my best friends and family show me how much they care by offering to take my kids or clean my house or make a meal. It's a quick way to become humble and admit that I need help and to recognize how important it is to find opportunities to serve when I'm not pregnant and can help others with their own needs. And in the end, I love that my sacrifice makes baby's arrival that much more wonderful and appreciated. The nausea goes away as soon as that baby is out of me, and that is a fabulous feeling, folks. Plus, Leif always tells me that the sicker I am, the cuter the baby gets. I completely agree.
So, here we go, second half of 2011. My biggest concern is neglecting my kids' needs when I'm sick, so I'll just try to focus on them a little bit more and enjoy them in their adorable ages before they're grown. I don't want to miss Gavin's 4-ness and Paige's 2-going-on-3-ness.
*I had written this post as a draft and didn't publish it. When I went to publish, it hadn't saved the date I had written it, so I picked a random August day in 2011 as a rough guesstimate.
No comments:
Post a Comment